she almost laughs, really. the voice in her head sounds nothing at all like the kida she knows — snide, sarcastic, malicious, and cutting and in the privacy of her boarded up room she can feel it — a fear.
a fear of that tone, a fear of his words, a fear of him. sitting here, curled up and staring at the image of his face on her phone, unaware of the camera rolling thanks to clumsy fingers and a mind that can only focus on the fact that he would, wouldn't he, maybe not necessarily say it, but he'd think it, they'd all think it, and she has to agree. why her. it should never be her.
and he'll realize that soon. if he hasn't already. if his attentions aren't already just a thing to pass the time, and ciel was right, her reactions are nothing more than a source of amusement.
[Sometimes the world does everything it can to destroy you. It chews you up and spits you out into slobbery, misshapen pieces that will never fit together again. And sometimes one person can say the only two words you need to hear the day after a near suicide.
Several quiet but shaky breaths later, Masaomi answers simply:] Okay.
[ she's surprised by the tenderness in his tone. surprised to find the image on her screen moving, staring back at her, when just a second ago it had only been a picture, hadn't it?
her finger shifts over her phone, reflexively hovering over the end call button, but she hesitates, stalling on the sight of his face, still staring, holding her gaze, and on the quiet not-promise he'd made, for her quieter, not-request.
he doesn't owe her anything. least of all his presence here.
still, she is, at her core, a selfish person. and in her despair now, she can't think to contest it. so just as simply, she replies: ] Okay.
[Something between a breath and a laugh forces its way through barely open lips before Masaomi drops his head. What should he do now? Nothing comes to the ever-talkative Kida Masaomi's brilliant mind. So sometimes being a fully functioning human being is really, really hard. But he can't go anywhere now, right?
[ it's odd. unlike kida, she hadn't been having any particularly suicidal thoughts. it never occurred to her to rid herself from this world, because it's weak to her, and she's much too proud to succumb to that.
still, though. those words, that sentiment? it's odd in how that's exactly what she needed to hear, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
( backdated to 12/19 → video )
she almost laughs, really. the voice in her head sounds nothing at all like the kida she knows — snide, sarcastic, malicious, and cutting and in the privacy of her boarded up room she can feel it — a fear.
a fear of that tone, a fear of his words, a fear of him. sitting here, curled up and staring at the image of his face on her phone, unaware of the camera rolling thanks to clumsy fingers and a mind that can only focus on the fact that he would, wouldn't he, maybe not necessarily say it, but he'd think it, they'd all think it, and she has to agree. why her. it should never be her.
and he'll realize that soon. if he hasn't already. if his attentions aren't already just a thing to pass the time, and ciel was right, her reactions are nothing more than a source of amusement.
she really does laugh this time.
good. i only ever want to be alone, she thinks. ]
Don't leave, [ she croaks. ]
( video )
Several quiet but shaky breaths later, Masaomi answers simply:] Okay.
( video )
her finger shifts over her phone, reflexively hovering over the end call button, but she hesitates, stalling on the sight of his face, still staring, holding her gaze, and on the quiet not-promise he'd made, for her quieter, not-request.
he doesn't owe her anything. least of all his presence here.
still, she is, at her core, a selfish person. and in her despair now, she can't think to contest it. so just as simply, she replies: ] Okay.
( video )
-Oh.]
Then you can't either.
( video )
still, though. those words, that sentiment? it's odd in how that's exactly what she needed to hear, too.
someone actually wants her around.
knowing that, it's hard not to want to obey. ]
Deal.
( video )
( video )
a moment later, she seems to remember herself, and hastily reaches over to end the feed. she's done enough, she thinks. ]